Clearing out Pain Stories & Trusting the River

Right now I am writing my life story, a big part of identifying the pain stories and agreements that are running the show behind the scenes. This felt initially quite indulgent and a bit egotistical.  also hard…. too big.  But this is what is called for in the West of the Wheel.  Old ways of being must be allowed to die with dignity in order to make space.  It’s a bit like clearing out a massive old cupboard, a really really big one. Have I mentioned the size of this thing? Seriously. Huge.  It’s taking our circle forever to go through this part of the Wheel.  But this is the thing with clutter – everyone has different quantities of it and relationships to it.  In our circle, going through the Wheel for the first time, this is a first telling.  Perhaps we are being ambitious. Trying to do a mass clear out, and detailed ordering at the same time.  That’s a lot of labour.  But the more clutter you clear, the lighter it gets.  We are sharing the stories in weekly chapters, each of us taking turns to be teller or listener.  Whether sharing or witnessing, the experience has so far been  tremendously powerful in releasing all the stuff that had been locked in these stories.  It’s good, important work.  And like any work that is significant, there’s a lot of resistance up in here!  It is so hard to turn up for this and stay motivated to write. Yet, like any other clutter busting project, once I get past the gates of resistance and  start, it’s like a rushing river….. torrents of words and memories spill out of me.  The power with which they come tells me that these stories have been longing to be released.  Clamouring for a hearing, however humble. We have barely scratched the surface of childhood in two months, but if this is how long it takes, then this is how long it takes.  Shew! All we have to do is keep turning up for work, letting the river carry us where it will, clearing all the debris on its way.  At this stage, it can be tough to let go and trust the river to do its work.  Maybe, the trick here is not to try too hard to understand the process at this stage…. just let go and get on with getting it out.  See where it goes.  Watching, and feeling, the river flow when you’re in it.

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